Carrot Top and Antler Guy
by CazTehFrog
Summary: A story of romance, strong friendships and true love... HAHA ! You WISH ! : Lily and James'sixth year on at Hogwarts SWW. Rated T just in case : Rate and Review ! PLEASE : D
1. Chapter 01 : Where Lily Storms

DISCLAIMER : I own nothing in this world, it all belongs to J.K. Rowling. Clear enough ?

Night was falling fast over Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and the Griffindor Common Room resounded with cheerfull chattering. One Griffindor student, however, was storming her way back from the hospital wing. Her name was Lily Evans.

Lily flung the portrait hole open, almost smashing the woden frame of the painting in the process. The Common Room went silent, every head turned to Lily as she stood there, fists clenched, red-cheeked, and eyes like A bombs. She scanned the crowd and caught sight of Sirius Black. He flinched when their gazes locked.

-YOU ! she said, in a highly menacing dark pitched tone.

Sirius seemed to have shrunk a good five inches as she walked straight to him, her index pointing towards him like a lance.

The boy winced as she poked him sharply on the chest with the deadly weapon.

- You ! You son of a powerpuff ! Tell me where that coward Potter has gone to ! Don't tell me he's hiding !

- 'He's in detention, Lily', intervened Remus Lupin in a calm voice.

The murderous finger shot towards him at once.

- 'Shut UP ! Was I talking to you ? NO !' yelled a very very angry Lily, the Finger of Wrath flew back to Sirius, who flinched once more. 'Now YOU tell me WHERE that DAMN Potter IS or I shall RIP your GUTS out of your BODY ! ...And HANG you with them', she added as an afterthought.

- 'He's in detention with p-Professor s-St-ticks-st-tone', Sirius stammered.

- 'THANK YOU !' Lily wheeled around and stormed out again, looking as if she was trying to pierce holes in the ground with the heel of her feet. The silence remained thirty whole seconds after the portrait hole had slammed shut, then everyone went back to what they were doing, all conversations resuming all at once, as if nothing had happened. And indeed, nothing had happened. Nothing out of the ordinary at least. It was well known that Lily's storming was everyone else's walk, especially when Potter was around.

Sirius and Remus exchanged a perplexed glance.

-'She's not going to… ?' Sirius began.

-'James is safe as long as he's in detention' Remus reassured him.

-'Yeah… I s'ppose so' said Sirius, lightening up 'yeah you're right, she wouldn't _dare_ go slaughter James right in front of Stickstone.'

How wrong he was.

Two hours later what seemed to be a bloody pile of raw human flesh came stumbling into the Common Room.

- 'She bit me !' yelped James Potter, topling onto a couch, 'that psycho Carrot Top bloody BIT ME !'

Luckily, everyone but Sirius, Peter Pettigrew (a.k.a. That Other Guy) and Remus, had gone to bed, so James could whine and bleed to his heart's content (litteraly), and so he did.

- 'James, mate, what did she DO to you ?' Sirius exclamed.

- 'I'm n-not sure' James said 'one minute I was cleaning Stickstone's cauldron, and the other she was standing there slapping my face like she had as many arms as the giant squid, screaming like she was a banshee or something…and then she started throwing objects at me… _heavy _objects' he added, rubbing a jokari ball sized bump on his forehead 'I just, sort of lifted an arm to protect myself and… and ….'

- 'And… ? Remus prodded him on.

- 'AND SHE BLOODY BIT ME ! GAAAAAAAAAAH, MY ARM ! It HURTS ! Bweeeeeh…'

The others gasped as James exhibited his maimed arm, supporting the clear hoof like mark of human dentition. And a nice one too. One that could flash a dazling smile (AND mutilate an arm).

- 'And that's not all' sobbed James, pulling up his t-shirt, revealing an obviously magicly written message made of boils, way too near James's backside. The boils spelled out : 'That's for Nat you pathetic son of a dried cucumber ! I hat'

- ''I hat' ?' Remus read out loud.

- 'What do you expect ?' James said 'My arse isn't a school blackboard ! She ran out of space before she could finish the book,… also Stickstone stopped her going any further.'

- ''bout time too !' Sirius exclamed 'why didn't he stop her before ?'

James turned a pleasant (but that's not the point) shade of strawberry pink.

- 'Well, uh, he was… laughing.'

- 'WHAT ?'

- 'Well you remember why I had detention with him, right ?'

- 'Oh….'

- 'Yeah… actually I suspect a few of these flying objects that hit me were from him.'

Meanwhile Lily was visiting said Nat at the hospital wing. She approched her friend's sleeping and slowly shrinking back from giant gerbil to human form, and whispered with a dazling white smile : 'avenged thou art my faithful sidekick… muhahahahaHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHA !' (Lily was indeed one of the gifted few who could actually _whisper _the evil laugh. She could also juggle with apples.)

_So people, what do you think ? More ? Should I take pity and stop right here ?_

_It IS my first go at fanfic writing, you know : P_

_Anyways please review ! You know I will love you forever if you do ! C'mooooon !_

_Oh and also : I am French (what ?... no ! don't go !) sou h, my english may not be as good…as my french…obviously. Tell me if I misspelled something (did I just misspell 'misspelled' : O) ATTENTION : This fanfic is associated to FANART ! click the link below http/imageshack.usIMGhttp/img220.imageshack.us/img220/7557/lilyevansangry8nm.jpg Tell me what you think about the picture too ! Drew this myself : ))_

_Anyways love you all !_

_Adios ? Laters ?_

_- Caz_


	2. Chapter 02 : Where Lily Gets Stormed

DISCLAIMER

Oh how I disclaim

It is such a pain

But I own nothing

It all belongs to J.K.Rowling

(POETRY XD)

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- 'Why does everyone like her so much anyway ?' grumbled James the next morning as they sat in the Great Hall, having breakfast. He was eyeing a now cheerful Lily, chatting with a group of Ravenclaw friends, a dozen seats away.

- 'In case you haven't noticed, Evans is a charming young lady as long as you're not in the picture, Prongs' Remus muttered, his head barely emerging from the huge 'Guide to Despair and Sexual Frustration by Marten Faye' he was currently reading. He had only just finished that sentence when Lily's face – she had obviously spotted James goggling her way – changed from a happy grin to a dreadful grimace. One that said 'Ugh ! OK ! _Who _forgot to flush the damn toilet ?'. James deeply regretted causing such reactions in Lily. Especially since he liked Lily's arse, along with her other assets, as he had told Sirius in heavily veiled terms on their third year in Hogwarts :

_flashback_

James : - 'Man, I totaly dig Lily's arse, along with her other assets !'

Sirius : - 'I hear you, dude !'

_end of flashback_

He also thought he may have feelings towards her. Gawd knows why though : all she had ever given him was glares and kicks. And BITES. What had gotten into her ! He rubbed his still aching arm.

'That wretched carrot !' he thought 'That raging beet head. That bloodthirsty wench ! Oh how I love her, that puke eyed psycho.'

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'What is _he _staring at ?' Lily thought as she glared at the dreamy eyed James.

- 'Y'know, I _think_ Potter _likes_ you' Nat said beside her.

- 'Well, well, well, aren't we a perceptive little gerbil today, eh, Sidekick ?' Lily said.

Nat shrugged off the combo abuse. Lily merely raised her pumpkin juice glass, grinning, ('cheers !') and drank.

- 'Oh me _gawd _!' gasped Nat, looking up at the magic sky on the cieling 'Did you see those clouds ? And it's the Griffindor Quidditch team recruiting day too ! Heck, I wouldn't go out there on a broom if they _payed _me.'

Lily choked in mid-gulp. Coughing, she looked up too. Her eyes growing wider and wider as she eyed fearfuly the deep purple 'candy floss of doom' cumuluses hovering above.

'Uh hoooo…' sighed her friend 'Don't tell me : you're going to the try-outs, aren't you ? Or is it just that you've left some washing on the line ? Please tell me it's the second.'

- 'Hahaha _Haaaaa_ !' laughed forcedly a horrified Lily.

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- 'That is one nice life threatening storm we've got there' Sirius pointed out as Remus, Peter, James and himself stood in the corridor, staring out a rain battered window.

- 'No danger, no fun' replied James.

Beside them, Remus started humming what sounded like 'I can see clearly now the rain is gone', and they all joined loudly executing a suprisingly synchronized boys band syle dance as he reached the chorus :

- 'An' it is a bright, briiiight, _briiiiiiiight, _BRIGHT AND SUNSHINY DAAAAAAAAY'

They stuck into an all arms high finishing pause as Sirius trailed off on 'day', causing massive giggling from passing girls and some of the audience to clap an encore.

- 'Thank you ! Thank you !'

They bowed to the loving crowd.

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A couple of hours later Lily was fighting her way against the elements to the Quidditch pitch. Gawd, that was some storm. If she didn't want that much to have a go at Quidditch, she would have given up long ago. Nat would have given up too, but Lily had decided she needed moral support. So pushing a reticent Nat forwards (also using her as a shield against the rain and wind), Lily arrived to the pitch. Black, Potter (who was the Griffindor captain) and a moderately large group of player wanna-be's were already standing, wet and windswept, at the center of the lawn.

Lily could see a good few had already been tried out and were rushing to shelter.

Potter was too busy trying to keep the drenched pages of his clipboard from flying away to spot her, but Black, who was merely standing there, did, and walked straight up to her.

His hair was stuck to his face, and he looked like he'd just been thrown in the lake, but he was grinning from ear to ear, obviously he was having more fun than anybody else one the pitch.

- 'Hey Evans !' said Black 'Come to support us ? Oh you shouldn't have !'

- 'Yeah sure, I crossed Noe's deluge for your pretty arse, Black' she said coldly. 'Idiot, I'm here to try-out, DUH !' she added, seing he hadn't caught her subtle sarcasm and gaped at her words. 'What ? _what ?_' she asked as Sirius laughed in disbelief.

- 'It's just that… we're only trying out for a new beater !'

- 'Yeah. So ?'

He gave her an uncertain smile.

- 'Well I mean, look at you, you're hardly standing in that wind !'

Lily punched him. Hard.

- 'Shut up and gimme a broom. It's my turn.'

Sirius shook his head but gave her a school broom and a bat. She'd show him, she thought angrily, as she kicked off the ground. She smiled sarcasticaly at James who had just realised who he was trying out, and quickly rose into the sky, though she felt like she was falling in the sea.

'Just you wait, Black, I will show you my mighty powers, COME TO ME MY MINION !' went Lily interior dialog as a bluger pelted straight to her.

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**Heeeey ! Second chappie ! I know they're not very long, but oh well : )**

**Thanks to my reviewers : )) ok then I'll continue !**

**Lily is just a maniac when she's near the marauders you know, and James will get revenge… um not right now though XD**

**Love you all ! Please review : I love you all, you who DO review : D**

**I'm sorry my last picture link didn't work, I hope this one does !**

**Click the liiiink !**

**http/img315.imageshack.us/img315/9527/lilyevansangry4qh.jpg**

**It's my (angry) version of Lily. What do you think ?**

**hugs**

**-Caz**


	3. Chapter 3 : Where Dumbledore Is Nuts

**Disclaimer : Don't beat me up, I'm a literature hobo.**

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Lily spent a good fifteen minutes flying around the goal hoops, batting the bludger through them, as instructed. She missed a few, but still thought she had done quite well (pretty damn well, actualy) when finaly she came down to hear the result of the try out.

- 'So. Am I good, or am I ?' she asked James as she landed on the huge puddle that was now the quidditch pitch.

- 'Ummm. I don't know, you did quite well…('pretty damn well' Lily corrected')…uh pretty damn well, ok. But that guy in our year, Julius Forbes, he was good too.'

Lily, still holding the bat in one hand, bent down to grab a handful of mud from the pitch, threw it up verticlaly and batted it hard as it came down again. The ball went hurtling towards Julius and caught him round the head, knocking him down with a thud.

- 'Welcome to the Griffindor quidditch team, Evans' grinned James.

-

---

-

Weeks of Lily's life flew by : lessons, quidditch, being pranked by the Marauders yet again, taking sweet revenge using mainly spoons, lessons, quidditch, more lessons, rollersteaming Hufflepuff on the first quidditch match of the season… until Dumbledore made an anouncement on a cloudy Monday night after dinner.

- 'Did you ever notice the way Dumbledore's ears twitch when he smiles ?' said Lily after the speech, oblivious to the loud mumur that had suddenly arisen all around the Great Hall.

- 'Lily' sighed an exasperated Nat 'have you listened to a _word _he said ?'

- 'There's going to be a ball on Hallowe'en' Added Julius.

- 'A BALL ?' Lily exclaimed (a little late) causing a few people to jump. 'Uh sorry… a ball ?' she said, lower this time, though it was useless now, as all the people surrounding her had turned _deaf_ from the first ear piercing shriek.

- 'Yes' answered Nat 'and he's inviting Durmstrang, Beauxbatons and Sol Tostador too.'

- 'HE'S INVITING UmmmfffF Umf UMMMMF ?' umfed Lily as a good ten hands slapped onto her mouth silmultaneously.

- 'Evans… shut up ?'(329)

-

---

-

- 'Oh gawd !' grumbled Lily as Nat, Julius and herself headed back towards the north Tower 'A _ball _! What a mouldy fish excuse to _matchmake _!'

- 'I think Dumbledore is trying to pull all the schools together, what with Voldemort gaining more power and followers everyday' Julius pointed out.

- 'Oh yes… that too. But we could also afford more of the ole love, don't you agree now, miss Evans ?' said a voice behind them, and they gaped as the headmaster went by, his twinkling eyes streched with a smile.

- 'Ugh ! He's nutty-er than a nutty nut.' Julius said, frowning slightly.

- 'He's our _headmaster_ !' Nat objected.

- 'So ?' Julius said 'He is also wearing pink earmuffs. What's _your_ point ?'

Nat was about to reply when two people rushed past them, causing Lily to twirl like a swivel as they went by.

- 'Who the freezing Hell was … ?' Lily said once she had regained her equilibrium.

- 'Sirius and James, who else ?' grinned Remus leveling up with them, closely followed by Peter.

- 'Why would that be ?' frowned Lily causing everyone to roll their eyes like yahtzee dice.

- 'Oh come on Lily, you know how popular they are. The news of a ball coming up is like an execution order to them. The girls will go completly berserk as to wich one will get either Black or Potter.'

- 'Correct me if I'm wrong, but _I_ didn't see any raging female running after said Black and Potter ye-'

Lily was cut short by a tidal wave of shrieking girls stampeeding right to were James and Sirius had disapeared.

- 'Only because they run fast' said a very windswept looking Remus before he was brutaly cast aside by a speeding latecomer blond girl.

- 'I'm suprised you're not followed by a raging double X chromosome mob yourself.' Said Nat matter of factly, helping Remus up.

- 'Oh but I told the girls I was going with you…. Am I ? he added trying but failing not to sound too hopefull.

- 'You are.' Agreed Nat.

- 'And you're going with me ?' Peter asked Lily, suddenly proving to be able of _speech_, ladies and gentlemen !

- 'Oh buh… uh … I'm already going with Mudd Head ('That's me' grinned Julius waving a hand) … sorry, uh, Peter ?'

- '_Am I_ actually going with you ?' muttered Julius discreetly to Lily's attention as they all walked together back to the Common Room.

- 'You are.'

- 'Does that mean I'll be allowed to drool in your mouth hand touch your boobies at one point in time ?' he asked eagerly.

- 'Nnnnope.'

- 'Damn.'

They hopped through the portrait hole, while somewhere in the North Wing, James and Sirius, well hidden in a smelly boys' bathroom, slowly recovered from the marathon, not knowing that a large group of girls were waiting outside for a second round as soon a they got out.

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**SOOOOO how was that third chapter ?**

**You know how much good karma you'd recieve if you reviewed don't you ?**

**C'm'oooon ! Please : D **

**Oh and THE FANART PICTURE LINK WIIIIILL WORK !**

**If it doesn't work this time, I give up. But it WILL !**

**SO HERE :**

**http/ (copy-paste it)**

**tell me… did dit work ? sobs it's going to work isn't it :'(( ISN'T IT ?**

**: D aaaaaanywayyyys ! Wish me luck : this week is my artschool exams !**

**Hugs to you all (double those who review XD)**

**Byes !**

**- Caz**


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